Sunday, March 18, 2018

Our own ways of doing things when we are feeling blue

A dear pen-friend of mine sent me this link:

I wish I would be able to watch Mr Rogers when I was a little girl. I could learn so much!

Do watch 6-minute-video "It's you I like". I like how respectful and kind he talks to the child. And I love the conclusion: "We have to discover our own ways of doing things when we are feeling blue." 
So very true!

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Being sorry for someone I don't know

A friend of mine told me a story about her coworker. I don't know her, but I know her husband since we went to the same school.  They have been trying to have a child for years, without any success. Now they are having IVF and he gave her an ultimatum: if it doesn't work, he wants a divorce.

I don't know this girl, but I feel so sorry for her. I am sorry that she is struggling with infertility. I am sorry that she married someone who is handsome on outside but has black cruel soul. And I am sorry that she has a friend who is not a friend at all - she told this very personal humiliating information to her and she told few others who told the rest. 

I hope she heals and that one day she finds the love of her life. Since that man for sure isn't.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

I can't have children, she said flatly

I love reading Dan Brown's Origin.  Attached: a part of the novel where one of main character's reveals to her fiance that she is infertile. It is nicely written.

I am very interested how the story will develop. Will the author use one of the clich├ęs?

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Home is...

I am good. Just extremely busy with everything regarding our new house. When we were shopping this week we saw this quote in the shop. So beautiful.  Both me and my husband are looking forward  to live in our little brand new home by Christmas.

Good thing with being busy is that I (almost) don't have for any thoughts regarding infertility. When something happens, it still hurts. But I am able to brush everything off me very soon since I don't have time to be stuck in negative thoughts. There is way much work to be done.

There is a neighbour (married, two young kids). We have known each other for ten years. He needed a favour from me, so I gave him my contact. He was looking in disbelief saying: "You have the same surname as  X??" (X=naming the name of my husband)
I replied: "Of course.".
And he asked in even greater disbelief: "Are you married??"
I replied: "Of course.".

Silly stupid idiot. And he is not the first one that asked me this.
People just know that only people who want to have children get married.
And people just make the assumption - if you don't have children, you aren't married.

His question hurt for few minutes. But then I just concluded that idiots like him don't deserve my attention, so I just decided to push him out of my mind.  (I wasn't that successful, the remark stayed for me for few days).


Then there is a kind coworker, my age, mother of two young children born  in 5th IVF attempt. We went to lunch together, just the two of us. And we talked about everything, also about our infertility stories, for the very first time. After listening to my story she commented: "I can't even imagine what you had to go through."

Her comment touched my heart. She knew that the darkest time of infertility comes when one has to give up hopes and dreams of having a child.

I am glad that she didn't have to give up her dreams. She really is a lovely person.

Monday, February 26, 2018

The life that is waiting for us

I am currently reading Dan Brown's latest novel Origin and I just love the quote that I found there.

Sunday, February 11, 2018


Sometimes I see something and it stays with me for whole day. Like Elaine's latest post:
The music and dancing are just beautiful!
Elaine writes how she and her husband were forced to learn new dance steps.
And so did we.


Sometimes I think that perhaps I don't have much to contribute to IF community since the darkest days of my infertility are way behind me.

But whenever I start thinking about quitting there is some lovely reminder that what I feel & think & write does matter. Like comment that  Infertile Phoenix's  left for me on her post:

"Thank you Klara! So much of my confidence in taking care of myself I learned from you. Before I started this blog I read your whole blog, and I received that message from you over and over. Other people do not understand this life--I have to take care of myself. So thank you for your comments but especially thank you for all of your help over the years. <3"

Dear Phoenix... thank you for this comment! I am so very happy that I can help someone who is 10 years younger then me.  Wishing you all the best! 



Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Home, sweet home :)

I am very proud - I baked my husband's favourite cookies and they are delicious! The reason for baking: I wanted to do something special, to celebrate a very special moment for us.

We have been working on a blueprint of our house for years.  It is pre-fab house, they started to build it few days ago. Today was the very first time that we could go inside, and see all the rooms. It is just priceless - walking the rooms of our house for the very first time.

We are so very happy :) :)

The last time we were so happy was 15 years ago, when we bought our apartment, moved in, got married one month later and then went to our honeymoon for one month (Canada & USA, riding 10.000 kilometers with Amtrak and Viarail). 

And then, for the last 15 years we didn't have any big news.

We just love the process of building the house (although it is stressful from time to time).

We are looking forward to late autumn when we move in :)